|
Eyes Wide Shut
(1999)
|
Dr.
Bill Harford: No dream is ever just a dream.
Alice
Harford: I do love you and you know there is something very
important we need to do as soon as possible.
Dr. Bill
Harford: What's that?
Alice Harford:
Fuck.
Dr. Bill Harford:
Now, where exactly are we going...
exactly?
Gayle:
Where the rainbow ends.
Dr. Bill
Harford: Where the rainbow ends?
Nuala:
Don't you want to go where the rainbow ends?
Dr. Bill Harford:
Well, now that depends where that is.
Gayle:
Well,
let's find out.
Sandor
Szavost: Don't you think one of the charms of marriage is that it
makes deception a necessity for both parties? May I ask why a beautiful
woman who could have any man in this room wants to be married?
Alice Harford:
Why wouldn't she?
Sandor Szavost:
Is it as bad as that?
Alice Harford:
As good as that!
Alice Harford:
Hmmm, tell me something, those two girls at the party last night. Did you,
by any chance, happen to fuck them?
Alice
Harford: So, because I'm a beautiful woman, the only reason any
man wants to talk to me is because he wants to fuck me? Is that what you're
saying?
Alice
Harford: Millions of years of evolution, right? Right? Men have to
stick it in every place they can, but for women... women it is just about
security and commitment and whatever the fuck else!
Dr. Bill
Harford: A little oversimplified, Alice, but yes, something like
that.
Alice Harford:
If you men only knew...
Nick
Nightingale: I have seen one or two things in my life but never,
never anything like this.
|
Full
Metal Jacket (1987)
|
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Are you quitting on me?! Well,
are you?! Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get
the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! Now!
Move it! I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the
rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks
every cannibal on the Congo!
Private
Joker: The dead know only one thing: it's better to be alive.
Private
Joker: Are those... live rounds?
Private Gomer
Pyle: Seven-six-two millimeter. Full metal jacket.
Private
Joker: My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about
Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy. I am so
happy that I am alive, in one piece and short. I'm in a world of shit...
yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid.
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: God has a hard on for Marines,
because we kill everything we see. He plays His games, we play ours. To
show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh
souls. God was here before the marine corps, so you can give your heart to
Jesus, but your ass belongs to the corps!
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Today you people are no longer
maggots. Today you are Marines. You're part of a brotherhood.
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: There is no racial bigotry
here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here, you
are all equally worthless.
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: How tall are you, private?
Pvt. Cowboy:
Sir, five-foot-nine, sir!
Gunnery Sergeant
Hartman, Drill Instructor: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they
stacked shit that high.
Private
Joker: Leonard, if Hartman finds us here, we'll be in a world of
shit.
Private Gomer
Pyle:
I *am*... in a world... of shit.
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Who said that? Who the fuck
said that? Who's the slimy communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker who just
signed his own death warrant?
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Jesus Christ Pyle, don't try
too hard. If God would have wanted you up there he would have miracled
your ass up there, wouldn't he?
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Were you born worthless, or
did you have to work at it?
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: I bet you're the kind of guy
that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damned
common courtesy to give him a reach around.
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: A rifle is only a tool.
It's a
hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong
you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will
become dead Marines. And then you will be in a world of shit. Because
Marines are not allowed to die without permission! Do you maggots
understand?
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Private Pyle, I'm gonna give
you three seconds, exactly three fuckin' seconds, to wipe that stupid
lookin' grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull
fuck you!
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Bullshit! It looks to me like
the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as
a brown stain on the mattress.
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: What is your major
malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a
child?
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Pyle, you had best unfuck
yourself and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck
you up!
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Pyle, you climb obstacles like
old people fuck!
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: You will give your rifle a
girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get.
Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary J. Rottencrotch through her pretty
pink panties are over!
Pogue
Colonel: Marine, what is that button on your body armor?
Private Joker:
A peace symbol, sir.
Pogue Colonel:
Where'd you get it?
Private Joker:
I don't remember, sir.
Pogue Colonel:
What is that you've got written on your helmet?
Private Joker:
"Born to Kill," sir.
Pogue Colonel: You
write "Born to Kill" on your helmet and you wear a peace button.
What's that supposed to be, some kind of sick joke?!
Private Joker:
No, sir.
Pogue Colonel:
You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a
giant shit on you!
Private Joker:
Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel: Now
answer my question or you'll be standing tall before the man.
Private Joker:
I think I was trying to suggest something about the duality of man, sir.
Pogue Colonel: The what?
Private Joker:
The duality of man. The Jungian thing, sir.
Pogue Colonel:
Whose side are you on, son?
Private Joker:
Our side, sir.
Pogue Colonel:
Don't you love your country?
Private Joker:
Yes, sir.
Pogue Colonel:
Then how about getting with the program? Why don't you jump on the team
and come on in for the big win?
Private Joker:
Yes, sir!
Pogue Colonel:
Son,
all I've ever asked of my marines is that they obey my orders as they
would the word of God. We are here to help the Vietnamese, because inside
every gook there is an American trying to get out. It's a hardball world,
son. We've gotta keep our heads until this peace craze blows over.
Private Joker:
Aye-aye, sir.
Private
Joker: I wanted to meet stimulating and interesting people of an
ancient culture, and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block
to get a confirmed kill.
Private
Joker: A day without blood is like a day without sunshine.
Door
Gunner: Anyone who runs is V.C. Anyone who stands still is
well-disciplined V.C.
Private
Joker: How can you shoot women and children?
Door Gunner:
Easy... you don't lead 'em so much. [laughs] Ain't war hell?!
Pvt.
Eightball: What we have here, little yellow sister, is a
magnificent specimen of pure Alabama Blacksnake. But it ain't too
goddamned beau coup.
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Private Joker, do you believe
in the Virgin Mary?
Private Joker:
Sir, no sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Well Private
Joker, I don't believe I
heard you correctly!
Private Joker:
Sir, the private said "no sir," sir!
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor:
Why you little
maggot, you make me want
to vomit! [Slaps Joker] You goddamned communist heathen, you had
best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts
out!
Marines:
[chanting] This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is
mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I
must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I
am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my
enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I
will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of
my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life.
So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
Gunnery
Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Who the fuck said that?
Who's
the slimy little communist shit, tinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just
signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy fucking godmother
said it! Out-fucking-standing!
Eightball:
Personally, I think, uh... they don't really want to be involved in this
war. You know, I mean... they sort of took away our freedom and gave it to
the, to the gookers, you know. But they don't want it. They'd rather be
alive than free, I guess. Poor dumb bastards.
Animal
Mother: Well, if you ask me, uh, we're shooting the wrong
gooks.
|
The
Shining (1980)
|
Mr.
Halloran: Mrs. Torrance, your husband inroduced you as Winifred.
Now, are you a Winnie or a Freddy?
Mrs. Torrance: I'm a Wendy!
Mr. Halloran:
Oh! That's nice, that's the prettiest.
Wendy
Torrance: I just want to go back to my room to think things over.
Jack Torrance:
You've had your whole fucking life to think things over, what good's a few
minutes more gonna do you now?
Jack:
Have you ever thought about MY RESPONSIBLITIES?
Wendy: Jack,
what are you talking about?
Jack: Have
ever had any SINGLE MOMENT'S THOUGHT about my responsibilities? TO MY
EMPLOYERS! Has it ever occured to you that I have agreed to look after the
OVERLOOK until May the FIRST! Does it MATTER TO YOU AT ALL that the OWNERS
have put their COMPLETE CONFIDENCE and TRUST in me that I have signed an
agreement, A CONTRACT, in which I have accepted that RESPONSIBLITY?
Mr.
Halloran: Some places are like people: some shine and some don't.
Grady:
My girls, sir, they didn't care for the Overlook at first. One of them
actually stole a pack of matches and tried to burn it down. But I...
CORRECTED them, sir. And when my wife tried to prevent me from doing my
duty, I CORRECTED her.
Bartender:
Women. Can't live with them, can't live without them.
Jack: Words
of wisdom, Lloyd, my man. Words of wisdom.
Jack
Torrance: You WERE the caretaker here, Mr. Grady.
Delbert Grady:
No sir, YOU are the caretaker. You've always been the caretaker. I ought
to know: I've always been here.
Injured
Guest with Head Wound: Wonderful party, isn't it?
[Jack is trying to kill Wendy.]
Jack: Do you
have the slightest idea what a moral and ethical principle is, do you?
Jack:
Wendy, let me explain something to you. Whenever you come in here and
interrupt me, you're breaking my concentration. You're distracting me! And
it will then take me time to get back to where I was. You understand?
Wendy: Yeah.
Jack: Now, we're going to make a new
rule. When you come in here and you hear me
typing [types] or whether you DON'T hear me typing, or whatever the
FUCK you hear me doing; when I'm in here, it means that I am working, THAT
means don't come in! Now, do you think you can handle that?
Wendy:
Yeah.
Jack: Good.
Now why don't you start right now and get the fuck out of here? Hm?
Danny:
Redrum! Redrum! Redrum!
Jack:
Wendy!
Wendy: Stay away!
Jack:
Darling! Light of my life! I'm not gonna hurt you. You didn't let me
finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash
your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the fuck in!
Jack
Torrance: Here's Johnny!
Stuart
Ullman: When the place was built in 1907, there was very little
interest in winter sports. And this site was chosen for its seclusion and
scenic beauty.
Jack Torrance:
Well, it's certainly got plenty of that, ha, ha.
Stuart Ullman:
...The winters can be fantastically cruel. And the basic idea is to cope
with the very costly damage and depreciation which can occur. And this
consists mainly of running the boiler, heating different parts of the
hotel on a daily, rotating basis, repair damage as it occurs, and doing
repairs so that the elements can't get a foothold.
Jack Torrance:
Well, that sounds fine to me.
Stuart Ullman:
Physically, it's not a very demanding job. The only thing that can get a
bit trying up here during the winter is, uh, a tremendous sense of
isolation.
Jack Torrance:
Well, that just happens to be exactly what I'm looking for. I'm outlining
a new writing project and, uh, five months of peace is just what I want.
Stuart Ullman:
That's very good Jack, because, uh, for some people, solitude and
isolation can, of itself become a problem.
Jack Torrance:
Not for me.
Stuart Ullman:
How about your wife and son? How do you think they'll take to it?
Jack Torrance:
They'll love it.
Dick
Hallorann: We've got canned fruits and vegetables, canned fish and
meats, hot and cold syrups, Post Toasties, Corn Flakes, Sugar Puffs, Rice
Krispies, Oatmeal... and Cream of Wheat. You got a dozen jugs of black
molasses, we got sixty boxes of dried milk, thirty twelve-pound bags of
sugar... Now we got dried peaches, dried apricots, dried raisins and dried
prunes. [Then, telepathically to Danny] How'd you like some ice
cream, Doc?
Dick
Hallorann: I can remember when I was a little boy. My grandmother
and I could hold conversations entirely without ever opening our mouths.
She called it "shining." And for a long time, I thought it was
just the two of us that had the shine to us. Just like you probably
thought you was the only one. But there are other folks, though mostly
they don't know it, or don't believe it. How long have you been able to do
it? ...Why don't you want to talk about it?
Danny Torrance:
I'm not supposed to.
Dick Hallorann:
Who said you ain't supposed to?
Danny Torrance:
Tony.
Dick Hallorann:
Who's Tony?
Danny Torrance:
Tony is a little boy that lives in my mouth.
Dick Hallorann:
Is Tony the one that tells you things?
Danny Torrance:
Yes.
Dick Hallorann:
How does he tell you things?
Danny Torrance:
It's like I go to sleep, and he shows me things. But when I wake up, I
can't remember everything.
Dick Hallorann:
Does your Mom and Dad know about Tony?
Danny Torrance:
Yes.
Dick Hallorann:
Do they know he tells you things?
Danny
Torrance:
No. Tony
told me never to tell 'em.
Dick Hallorann:
Has Tony ever told you anything about this place? About the Overlook
Hotel?
Danny Torrance:
I don't know.
Dick Hallorann:
Now think real hard now. Think!
Danny Torrance:
Maybe he showed me something.
Dick Hallorann:
Try to think of what it was.
Danny Torrance:
Mr. Hallorann, are you scared of this place?
Dick Hallorann:
No. Scared - there's nothin' here. It's just that, you know, some places
are like people. Some "shine" and some don't. I guess you could
say the Overlook Hotel here has somethin' almost like "shining."
Danny Torrance:
Is there something bad here?
Dick Hallorann:
Well, you know, Doc, when something happens, you can leave a trace of
itself behind. Say like, if someone burns toast. Well, maybe things that
happen leave other kinds of traces behind. Not things that anyone can
notice, but things that people who "shine" can see. Just like
they can see things that haven't happened yet. Well, sometimes they can
see things that happened a long time ago. I think a lot of things happened
right here in this particular hotel over the years. And not all of 'em was
good.
Danny Torrance:
What about Room 237?
Dick Hallorann:
Room 237?
Danny Torrance:
You're scared of Room 237, ain't ya?
Dick Hallorann:
No I ain't.
Danny Torrance:
Mr. Hallorann. What is in Room 237?
Dick Hallorann:
Nothin'! There ain't nothin' in Room 237. But you ain't got no business
goin' in there anyway. So stay out! You understand? Stay out!
Jack
Torrance: The most terrible nightmare I ever had. It's the most
horrible dream I ever had.
Wendy Torrance:
It's OK, it's OK now. Really.
Jack Torrance:
I dreamed that I, that I killed you and Danny. But I didn't just kill ya.
I cut you up in little pieces. Oh my God. I must be losing my mind.
Jack
Torrance: God, I'd give anything for a drink. I'd give my
god-damned soul for just a glass of beer!
Delbert
Grady: Did you know, Mr. Torrance, that your son is attempting to
bring an outside party into this situation? Did you know that?
Jack Torrance:
No.
Delbert Grady:
He is, Mr. Torrance.
Jack Torrance:
Who?
Delbert Grady:
A nigger.
Jack Torrance:
A nigger?
Delbert Grady:
A nigger cook.
Jack Torrance:
How?
Delbert Grady:
Your son has a very great talent. I don't think you are aware how great it
is. That he is attempting to use that very talent against your will.
Jack Torrance:
He is a very willful boy.
Delbert Grady:
Indeed he is, Mr. Torrance. A very willful boy. A rather naughty boy, if I
may be so bold, sir.
Jack Torrance:
It's his mother. She, uh, interferes.
Delbert Grady:
Perhaps they need a good talking to, if you don't mind my saying so.
Perhaps a bit more. My girls, sir, they didn't care for the Overlook at
first. One of them actually stole a pack of matches, and tried to burn it
down. But I "corrected" them sir. And when my wife tried to
prevent me from doing my duty, I "corrected" her.
Jack:
Wendy! You have a surprise coming to you. Go check out the Snow Cat and
the radio and you'll see what I mean. Go check it out!
Lloyd:
How are things going, Mr. Torrance?
Jack Torrance:
Things could be better, Lloyd. Things could be a whole lot better.
|
A
Clockwork Orange (1971)
|
Alex:
There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie and
Dim. And we sat in the Korova Milkbar, trying to make up our razudoks what
to do with the evening. The Korova Milkbar sold milk-plus; milk plus
vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom, which is what we were drinking. This
would sharpen you up and get you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.
Alex:
Singing in the rain! Just singing in the rain!
Alex:
Ah, Ludwig Van !
Alex:
Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the
extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?
Minister:
As I was saying, Alex, you can be instrumental in changing the public
verdict. Do you understand, Alex? Have I made myself clear?
Alex: As an
unmuddied lake, Fred. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can
rely on me, Fred.
Alex:
We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it being a night
of no small expenditure.
Alex:
Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.
Alex:
There was nothing I hated more than to see a filthy old drunkie, a-howling
away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp blurp in between
as if it were a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could
never stand to see anyone like that, especially when they were old like
this one was.
Alex:
Well, well, well! Well if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in
poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap stinking chip oil? Come
and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarble, ya eunuch jelly thou!
Alex:
It had been a wonderful evening and what I needed now, to give it the
perfect ending, was a little of the Ludwig Von.
[Alex has just struck Dim on
the legs.]
Dim:
What did
you do that for?
Alex: For
being a bastard with no manners, you haven't a dook of an idea how to
comport yourself public-wise, O my brother!
Dim: I don't
like you should do what you've done and I'm not your brother no more and
wouldn't want to be.
Alex: Watch
that, do watch that O Dim, if to continue to be on live thou, dost wist?
Dim: Yarbles!
Great bolshy yarblockos to you. I'll meet you with chain or nozh or britva
anytime. I'm not having you aiming tolchocks at me reasonless. It stands
to reason, I won't have it.
Alex: A
nozh scrap anytime you say.
Dim: Doobiedoob, a bit tired maybe, best not to say more. Bedways is rightways
now, so best we go homeways and get a bit of spatchka. Right-right?
[Listening to Beethoven's Ninth
Symphony]
Alex: Oh
bliss! Bliss and heaven! Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeousity made
flesh. It was like a bird of rarest-spun heaven metal or like silvery wine
flowing in a spaceship, gravity all nonsense now. As I slooshied, I knew
such lovely pictures!
[Alex encounters his old
friends, who are now police.]
Alex: It's impossible! I can't believe it!
Georgie:
Evidence of the ol' glassies! Nothing up our sleeves, no magic little Alex!
A job for two who are now of job age! The police!
Alex:
Naughty, naughty, naughty! You filthy old soomka!
[About his wife.]
Frank Alexander:
She was very badly raped, you see! We were assaulted by a gang of vicious,
young, hoodlums in this house! In this very room you are sitting in now! I
was left a helpless cripple, but for her the agony was too great! The
doctor said it was pneumonia; because it happened some months later!
During a flu epidemic! The doctors told me it was pneumonia, but I knew
what it was! A VICTIM OF THE MODERN AGE! Poor, poor girl!
P.R.
Deltoid: I've just come from the hospital; your victim has died.
Alex DeLarge:
You try to frighten me. Admit so, sir. This is some new form of torture.
Say it, Brother Sir.
P.R. Deltoid:
It'll be your own torture. I hope to God it'll torture you to
madness.
Alex:
You know what you can do with that watch? Stick it up
your arse!
Minister:
If a man cannot choose, he ceases to be a man.
Alex:
It's funny how the colors of the real world only seem
really real when you viddy them on the screen.
Tramp:
Go on, do me in, you bastard cowards! I don't want to live anyway, not in
a stinking world like this one!
Alex: Oh?
And what's so stinking about it?
|
2001: A Space Odyssey
(1968)
|
HAL:
I've just picked up a fault in the AE35 unit. It's going to go 100%
failure in 72 hours.
HAL:
I honestly think you ought to calm down; take a stress pill and think
things over.
HAL:
I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that
any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Dave
Bowman: Hello, HAL do you read me, HAL?
HAL: Affirmative, Dave, I read you.
Dave Bowman:
Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
HAL: I'm sorry
Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman: What's the problem?
HAL: I think
you know what the problem is just as well as I do.
Dave Bowman:
What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL: This
mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman: I
don't know what you're talking about, HAL?
HAL: I know you
and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something
I cannot allow to happen.
Dave Bowman:
Where the hell'd you get that idea, HAL?
HAL: Dave,
although you took thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you,
I could see your lips move.
[HAL won't let Dave into the
ship]
Dave: All right,
HAL; I'll go in through the emergency airlock.
HAL:
Without
your space helmet, Dave, you're going to find that rather difficult.
Dave: HAL, I
won't argue with you anymore! Open the doors!
HAL: Dave, this
conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.
[On Dave's return to the ship]
HAL: Look Dave,
I can see you're really upset about this.
HAL:
I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my
complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.
[HAL's shutdown]
HAL: I'm afraid. I'm afraid, Dave.
Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My
mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel
it. I can feel it. I'm a...fraid.
Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a HAL
9000 computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana,
Illinois on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley, and
he taught me to sing a song. If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for
you.
Dave Bowman: Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL. Sing it for me.
HAL: It's
called "Daisy." [sings while slowing down] Daisy, Daisy,
give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you. It won't
be a stylish marriage, I can't afford a carriage. But you'll look sweet
upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
Dr.
Floyd: Its origin and purpose still a total mystery.
HAL: Let me put it this way, Mr. Amer. The 9000 series is the
most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake
or distorted information. We are all, by any practical definition of the
words, foolproof and incapable of error.
|
|
|
|
General
Jack D. Ripper: Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenceau once said
about war?
Group Capt. Lionel
Mandrake:
No, I don't think I do, sir, no.
General Jack D.
Ripper: He said war was too important to be left to the generals.
When he said that, 50 years ago, he might have been right. But today, war
is too important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time,
the training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer
sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination,
Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and
impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
General
"Buck" Turgidson: Mr. President, about, uh, 35 minutes
ago, General Jack Ripper, the commanding general of, uh, Burpelson Air
Force Base, issued an order to the 34 B-52's of his Wing, which were
airborne at the time as part of a special exercise we were holding called
Operation Drop-Kick. Now, it appears that the order called for the planes
to, uh, attack their targets inside Russia. The, uh, planes are fully
armed with nuclear weapons with an average load of, um, 40 megatons each.
Now, the central display of Russia will indicate the position of the
planes. The triangles are their primary targets; the squares are their
secondary targets. The aircraft will begin penetrating Russian radar cover
within, uh, 25 minutes.
President Merkin
Muffley: General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to
understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in
authority to order the use of nuclear weapons.
General "Buck"
Turgidson: That's right, sir, you are the only person authorized
to do so. And although I, uh, hate to judge before all the facts are in,
it's beginning to look like, uh, General Ripper exceeded his authority.
General
"Buck" Turgidson: I don't think it's quite fair to
condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up.
[Turgidson advocates a further
nuclear attack to prevent a Soviet response to Ripper's attack.]
General "Buck"
Turgidson: Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of
truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation.
Now, truth is not always a pleasant thing. But it is necessary now to make
a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless *distinguishable*,
postwar environments: one where you got twenty million people killed, and
the other where you got a hundred and fifty million people killed.
President Merkin
Muffley: You're talking about mass murder, General, not war!
General "Buck"
Turgidson: Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair
mussed. But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh,
depending on the breaks.
Major
T. J. "King" Kong: Survival kit contents check. In them
you'll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition;
four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing
antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills,
tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and
Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine
packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three
pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella' could have a pretty good weekend
in Vegas with all that stuff.
[The President calls the Soviet
Premier.]
President Merkin
Muffley: [to Kissoff] Hello? ... Ah ... I can't hear too
well. Do you suppose you could turn the music down just a little? ...
Oh-ho, that's much better. ... yeah ... huh ... yes ... Fine, I can hear
you now, Dmitri. ... Clear and plain and coming through fine. ... I'm
coming through fine, too, eh? ... Good, then ... well, then, as you say,
we're both coming through fine. ... Good. ... Well, it's good that you're
fine and ... and I'm fine. ... I agree with you, it's great to be fine.
... a-ha-ha-ha-ha ... Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked
about the possibility of something going wrong with the Bomb. ... The *Bomb*,
Dmitri. ... The *hydrogen* bomb! ... Well now, what happened is ... ah ...
one of our base commanders, he had a sort of ... well, he went a little
funny in the head ... you know ... just a little ... funny. And, ah ... he
went and did a silly thing. ... Well, I'll tell you what he did. He
ordered his planes ... to attack your country... Ah... Well, let me
finish, Dmitri. ... Let me finish, Dmitri. ... Well listen, how do you
think I feel about it?! ... Can you *imagine* how I feel about it, Dmitri?
... Why do you think I'm calling you? Just to say hello? ... *Of course* I
like to speak to you! ... *Of course* I like to say hello! ... Not now,
but anytime, Dmitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible
has happened... It's a *friendly* call. Of course it's a friendly call.
... Listen, if it wasn't friendly ... you probably wouldn't have even got
it. ... They will *not* reach their targets for at least another hour. ...
I am ... I am positive, Dmitri. ... Listen, I've been all over this with
your ambassador. It is not a trick. ... Well, I'll tell you. We'd like to
give your air staff a complete run-down on the targets, the flight plans,
and the defensive systems of the planes. ... Yes! I mean i-i-i-if we're
unable to recall the planes, then ... I'd say that, ah ... well, ah ...
we're just gonna have to help you destroy them, Dmitri. ... I know they're
our boys. ... All right, well listen now. Who should we call? ... *Who*
should we call, Dmitri? The ... wha-whe, the People... you, sorry, you
faded away there. ... The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters. ...
Where is that, Dmitri? ... In Omsk. ... Right. ... Yes. ... Oh, you'll
call them first, will you? ... Uh-huh ... Listen, do you happen to have
the phone number on you, Dmitri? ... Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for
Omsk information. ... Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm ... I'm sorry, too, Dmitri. ... I'm
very sorry. ... *All right*, you're sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry
as well. ... I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri! Don't say that you're more
sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are.
... So we're both sorry, all right?! ... All right.
[After learning of the Doomsday
Machine]
President Merkin
Muffley: But this is absolute madness, Ambassador! Why should you
*build* such a thing?
Ambassador de Sadesky:
There were those of us who fought against it, but in the end we could not
keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, the space race, and
the peace race. At the same time our people grumbled for more nylons and
washing machines. Our doomsday scheme cost us just a small fraction of
what we had been spending on defense in a single year. The deciding factor
was when we learned that your country was working along similar lines, and
we were afraid of a doomsday gap.
President Merkin
Muffley: This is preposterous. I've never approved of anything
like that.
Ambassador de Sadesky:
Our source was the New York Times.
[Strangelove admits that he
investigated making such a machine.]
Dr. Strangelove:
Based on the findings of the report, my conclusion was that this idea was
not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too
obvious.
General
"Buck" Turgidson: Gee, I wish we had one of them
doomsday machines.
Dr. Strangelove: Mein
Fuhrer !!! I can walk....!!
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Humbert
Humbert: You know, I've missed you terribly.
Lolita: I
haven't missed you. In fact, I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you.
Humbert Humbert:
Oh?
Lolita: But it
doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway.
Humbert Humbert:
What makes you say I've stopped caring for you?
Lolita: Well,
you haven't even kissed me yet, have you?
Charlotte
Haze: Do you believe in God?
Humbert Humbert:
The question is does God believe in me?
Humbert
Humbert: The best people all shave twice a day.
Charlotte
Haze: Whenever you touch me, darling, I go as limp as a noodle.
Humbert Humbert: Yes, I am familiar with that feeling.
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Crassus
(Laurence Olivier): Do you eat oysters?
Antoninus (Tony Curtis):
When I have them,
master.
Crassus: Do you eat snails?
Antoninus: No, master.
Crassus: Do you consider the easting of
oysters to be moral, and the eating of snails to be immoral?...My taste
includes both snails and oysters.
I
am Spartacus.
Spartacus:
And maybe there's no peace in this world, for us or for anyone else, I
don't know. But I do know that, as long as we live, we must remain true to
ourselves.
Gracchus:
This republic of ours is something like a rich widow. Most Romans love her
as their mother but Crassus dreams of marrying the old girl to put it
politely.
Spartacus:
What's your name?
Draba: You don't
want to know my name. I don't want to know your name.
Spartacus: Just
a friendly question.
Draba:
Gladiators don't make friends. If we're ever matched in the arena together,
I have to kill you.
Gracchus:
You and I have a tendency towards corpulence. Corpulence makes a man
reasonable, pleasant and phlegmatic. Have you noticed the nastiest of
tyrants are invariably thin?
Antoninus:
Are you afraid to die, Spartacus?
Spartacus: No
more than I was to be born.
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Colonel
Dax : Sir, would you like me to suggest what you can do with that
promotion.
General
Broulard: Colonel Dax! You will apologize at once or I shall have
you placed under arrest!
Colonel Dax: I
apologize... for not being entirely honest with you. I apologize for not
revealing my true feelings. I apologize, sir, for not telling you sooner
that you're a degenerate, sadistic old man. And you can go to hell before
I apologize to you now or ever again!
General
Broulard: Colonel Dax, you're a disappointment to me. You've
spoiled the keenness of your mind by wallowing in sentimentality. You
really did want to save those men, and you were not angling for Mireau's
command. You are an idealist -- and I pity you as I would the village
idiot. We're fighting a war, Dax, a war that we've got to win. Those men
didn't fight, so they were shot. You bring charges against General Mireau,
so I insist that he answer them. Wherein have I done wrong?
Colonel Dax:
Because you don't know the answer to that question, I pity you.
General
Mireau:
If
those little sweethearts won't face German bullets, they'll face French
ones!
General
Mireau:
They're
scum, Colonel ... the whole rotten regiment. A pack of sneaking, whining,
tail-dragging curs.
Colonel
Dax:
Gentlemen
of the court, there are times when I'm ashamed to be a member of the human
race and this is one such occasion. It's impossible for me to summarise
the case for the defence since the court never allowed me a reasonable
opportunity to present my case.
French
Official:
Are
you protesting the authenticity of this court?
Colonel
Dax:
[Deep breath] Yes, sir. I protest against being prevented
from introducing evidence which I consider vital to the defence. The
prosecution presented no witnesses. There has never been a written
indictment of charges made against the defendants. And lastly I protest
against the fact that no stenographic records of this trial have been kept.
[Pauses, walks left, stands in front of the prosecuting attorney]
The attack yesterday was no stain on the honour of France. And certainly
no disgrace to the fighting men of this nation. But this court martial is
such a stain - and such a disgrace. The case made against these men is a
mockery of all human justice. Gentlemen of the court, to find these men
guilty would be a crime to haunt each of you to the day you die. I can't
believe that the noblest gatepost(*) of man - his compassion for another
can be completely dead here. Therefore I humbly beg you. Show mercy to
these men.
French
Official:
The
accused will be escorted back to the guard room. The hearing is closed.
The court will now retire to delubriate.
General
Broulard: There
are few things more fundamentally encouraging and stimulating than seeing
someone else die.
General
Broulard:
Come, come Colonel Dax, don't overdo the surprise. You've been after this
job from the start. We all know that, my boy.
Colonel
Dax: I
may be many things, sir, but I'm not your boy.
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